I’m Slowjamastanley, the coolest raccoon on the block. I was recently appointed Assistant to the Chief Border Patrol Agent. A huge accomplishment for me. I will serve and protect the borders of Slowjamastan while sipping on my favorite wine. But now, on to more important things:


 Driving the Beast
Red wine on a Sunday afternoon
Sweating off my red wine on the peloton
Dips in our Country’s awesome pool
Securing our borders
Taking pictures with fans

And when I’m not indulging in my favorite things, I roam the lands of Slowjamastan. I check the locks, make sure the border is secure, and keep our cameras powered up. And from time to time, I may keep an eye out for naked people at the square. It’s one of those cool perks of the job. Follow my adventures on the Gram at @slowjamastanley


  1. Mark Dodge says:

    As part of my plan to emplace a lifesaving AED (Automated External Defibrillator) near Independence Square, please share my contact information with Director of Emergency Services, Rescue Rick. I will also explore options to host complimentary skills training during National Stop The Bleed Day during May, 2023 alongside the crew from CalFire/SDCFP Station 54 (Ocotillo Wells). Stay safe and thank you for protecting our borders.

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